If you’re not familiar with the concept of “cuckolding,” it’s probably because you’re a reasonably sane, well-adjusted person who doesn’t waste his or her time getting “news” from places like CNN.
I hate to bring it to your attention, but it does us no good to pretend cultural trends are not what they are. Remember: Those seeking to break down norms of morality will try to normalize depravity one step at a time. They will wait until they think the culture is open to accepting something it once considered beyond the pale, and then they’ll come forward with supposedly groundbreaking research that shows what we once thought was bad is actually great.
So, let’s start here: Gentlemen, would it turn you on to watch your wife getting banged by another man? Let’s leave aside for the moment (but only for the moment) what God says about adultery. Would it?
If you’re most men, obviously not. It would be hard to imagine anything you’d want to see less.
Women: That 20-something waitress who’s so friendly to your husband? What say you let him invite her to your bedroom to do the deed with him while you sit in a chair and take it all in. That’s going to arouse you for sure, right?
What do you mean you’d be swinging a large skillet?
So you don’t like the idea. Because who on Earth would?
Shows what unsophisticated clods you are. According to the “experts” interviewed by CNN, this business called cuckolding could actually be just what your marriage needs:
“Overall, our research found that for the most part, cuckolding tends to be a positive fantasy and behavior,” said Ley. “It doesn’t appear to be evidence of disturbance, of an unhealthy relationship, or of disregard for one’s partner.” But there’s an important caveat, added Lehmiller. “We found several personality factors that predict more positive experiences acting on cuckolding fantasies. For those who have a lot of relationship anxiety or abandonment issues, who lack intimacy and communication, and who aren’t careful, detail-oriented planners, acting on a consensual non-monogamy fantasy could very well be a negative experience,” he said. “In other words, not everyone who has a cuckolding fantasy should think about acting on it.”
Remember that sometimes just sharing a sexy thought can be arousing enough — you don’t have to follow through. If you are thinking about acting on a cuckolding fantasy, it’s worth stepping back first and making sure your relationship is in a good place and that you have strong sexual communication skills.
“For men and couples considering the issue of cuckolding, it’s important there be honesty, integrity, communication, mutuality and shared values,” advised Ley. “I’ve seen men who try to trick their wives into cuckolding them, and this never, ever ends up well.”
For couples who do decide to move forward, it’s important to take things slow. “The reality of watching your spouse have sex with someone else — or knowing they’re doing it, if you’re not there — is often very different than the fantasy. It can dredge up powerful emotions, so take baby steps and keep talking and communicating,” said Savage. “That said, the rewards can be amazing, according to couples who have successfully folded cuckold play into their relationships.”
By the way, the Savage quoted in the excerpt is Dan Savage. If that name sounds disturbingly familiar to you, it’s because it’s this guy. Savage is not only a rather crude and angry advocate (and practitioner) of homosexuality, but he’s actually been interviewed in the New York Times calling for widespread infidelity by married people.
So that’s one of the “experts” CNN relied on for this story. I didn’t see any Christian marriage counselors or pastors interviewed, but like I said, this is CNN.
I really don’t think I need to spend a whole lot of time persuading you what garbage this is. Sex is an extremely important part of any marriage, and while it can be challenging for a couple that’s been together a long time to keep things fresh and interesting, it’s really just a matter of deciding to make it happen, listening to each other and working together on it. If you think you have to go outside your marriage to get excited sexually, your problems go deeper than what happens in the bedroom.
When God designed marriage as a lifelong, exclusive covenant between one man and one woman, He understand that when people united in flesh He was also uniting them in spirit, which is why premarital sex is forbidden. Every sexual union you have with another person results in a spiritual union with that person that has a corrupting influence, and leaves you vulnerable for spiritual attacks for the rest of your life unless you are delivered from them under the authority of Jesus Christ.
Any hope for such deliverance requires repentance. Needless to say, a married couple that’s fooling around with other people in the pursuit of a turn-on is not repenting, and the resulting spiritual corruption is beyond anything they’re understanding when they take these actions.
Also, just in a basic sense: When God says “You shall not commit adultery,” He doesn’t offer the caveat “unless your spouse is OK with it.” No. You can’t give consent for your spouse to have sex with someone else. It will be sin in God’s eyes no matter what you say. In fact, if you’re enabling another person’s sin, then you’re culpable as well.
I don’t think many of you will have trouble grasping all that. But here’s what we must understand as Christians in the culture: The secular drivers of the culture are looking for opportunities to normalize what was once considered unthinkable. They push the envelope to the extent they think society will view it as a cool thing rather than as a step too far.
Last May the New York Times ran a lengthy feature about a couple it called Daniel and Elizabeth, presenting them as having helped their marriage by sleeping with other people. If you actually read the piece it’s not hard to detect the fundamental problems and issues of selfishness on the part of both that are behind the issues in this marriage. Christian marriage is based on sacrificial love for one another. These two aren’t too interested in sacrificing anything for each other, and it’s not hard to see where that’s leading, however much they put on a happy face as they watch each other hook up with strangers.
Entertainment is on this train as well. There’s a series on Showtime called Shameless, which is actually entering its ninth season.
(This is the one whose promos simply feature the various characters giving you the finger. Yeah. I had Showtime for awhile just so I could see Season 3 of Twin Peaks. I wasn’t too impressed by anything else they were selling.)
Anyway, Shameless featured a storyline in which Sasha Alexander (of NCIS and Rizzolli & Iles fame) plays a 40-something college professor who’s in an open marriage and beds her college-age students while her husband either sits and watches or otherwise bops around town entirely unconcerned about who his wife might be having sex with.
This whole storyline is presented in a way that makes the couple in the open marriage seem like the cool ones having fun, while everyone who’s shocked by what’s happening is just out of touch with life in the 21st Century.
Entertainment influences culture. A lot. It gets people thinking and talking. It causes people to re-examine what they once believed, as the characters they love to watch do things once considered unthinkable. It changes societal boundaries. It shouldn’t, but it does. And the people who make these shows know this.
This needs to be countered, and we’re working on that. But in the meantime, you need to be aware of what’s going on. This is intentional. It’s strategic. It’s not going to stop. God’s people have a responsibility not only to live God’s Word, but also to defend it.
You can’t defend something if you don’t understand the nature of the attacks against it.